Donors Are Friends, Not Food

Grumpy Vamp's Guide to the GVC


Yeah, yeah, I get it. You are Teh Uber Lord McDarkity Vamp, the supreme deluxe predator, and everyone else is either food or fucktoy. But let’s get real for a minute. Donors are not cheeseburgers and chattel slavery is so 1860. If you’re dreaming of 69 red silk kitten porn stars begging to wear your pearl necklace, you’re going to be disappointed, sparky. That’s not how any of this works. You can’t head over to the nearest McDonor’s and order up a super jumbo size Happy Ending Meal. You may think you worship at the altar of the apex predator but the reality is that you’re a dick unless you give donors the respect they deserve. And that means seeing them as human beings with agency first, last, and always.

Now I know words that have more than one syllable, like “agency”, are difficult for you to understand. It’s okay…

View original post 554 more words

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Patreon, Antifascism, Solidarity, and Collateral Damage

Rhyd Wildermuth

Recently, Patreon made the decision to cancel the account of the radical site and aggregator, It’s Going Down.  For those unfamiliar with IGD (I highly recommend them), IGD has become the primary clearing-house and platform for radicals and resistance movements in the United States, as well as producing significant content of their own. They also run a podcast, where you can here me speak about the intersections of Paganism and radicalism.

Before discussing the implications of this ban, it’s best to speak first about what Patreon is. Patreon is a for-profit corporation which created a platform for artists, writers, performers and others to secure funding through recurring sponsorship. “Creators” as they call us (I use Patreon) raise money for their work, and at the beginning of each month, Patreon collects and then deposits the money from sponsors into creator accounts after taking a 5% fee after credit-card processing fees.

View original post 1,551 more words

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Femme Friday — Queer Femme Rising! An Interview with Sable Twilight

I was featured on Femme Friday.

The Total Femme

Sable and I met in the Radical Faerie Heart Circle at Creating Change, where we shared such lovely moments together. I am so thrilled to welcome her to Femme Friday, and am moved and inspired by her responses sparked by the following interview questions:

 “When first I found femme, I…” (thank you, Radical Faerie Heart Circle, where we were asked to complete the sentence, “When first I found a faerie…)

 Can you talk about how your understanding of “femme” has evolved over the years?

 Do you see femmes as being able to contribute something unique in this time of upheaval, danger and protest?

 Who are your femme role models?

Deep gratitude to Sable Twilight for these illuminating words!

 I am Sable. Sometimes Sable Twilight. A queer, femme, trans woman in Denver, Colorado. I currently work as a program manager for the transgender programmers a local LGBTQIA+ community center in fair sized Midwestern city Some…

View original post 1,072 more words

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

New Moon in Aquarius: Where is Your Point of Entry?

Priestessing the Dream

It’s no secret that things are hard for many of us in the US right now. Those of us who have been politically engaged throughout our lives are watching as the unthinkable appears to unfold. Those who are newly politicized by the rise of The New Administration (I refuse to speak his name) are confused, frightened, demoralized, wonder what they can do in the face of a seemingly unstoppable enemy. I’ve experienced my own fair share of days that felt hopeless, of long nights of no sleep. I spent most of Inauguration Day in tears of despair.

And then I got up on Saturday and marched — not as part of the huge Women’s March in DC, unfortunately, but as part of a smaller but equally dedicated group of about 3000 in the small city where I work.

Through it all, I’ve struggled to discover what it is that I…

View original post 505 more words

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Consent: Not actually that complicated

rockstar dinosaur pirate princess

A short one today as my life is currently very complicated and conspiring against my preference to spend all of my days working out what to blog. But do you know what isn’t complicated?


It’s been much discussed recently; what with college campuses bringing in Affirmative Consent rules, and with the film of the book that managed to make lack of consent look sexy raking it in at the box office. You may not know this, but in the UK we more or less have something similar to ‘affirmative consent’ already. It’s how Ched Evans was convicted while his co-defendant was not – and is along the lines of whether the defendant had a reasonable belief that the alleged victim consented. From the court documents it appears that while the jury felt that it was reasonable to believe that the victim had consented to intercourse with the co-defendant, it…

View original post 930 more words

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

No, trans women don’t have any of the privilege

A Feminist Challenging Transphobia

Recently I asked why, during their consultation meetings, Stonewall appeared to have elected to hold men only groups but not women only groups (I am now unclear whether this is actually the case, but the subsequent discussion still warrants some thought.)

As a feminist, I’m sure you can imagine I was outraged by the idea of men only groups. But I was assured the situation is different within the trans community, because trans women “dominate” the discussion and are over-represented, so man-only spaces are needed. It wasn’t long before the underlying belief was voiced – a trans man boldly stated that trans women have louder voices because they were raised in male privilege.

What scares me is that hardly anyone seemed to bat an eyelid at this statement.

If this is going to be the underlying assumption influencing Stonewall’s thinking about trans people, then we are moving into dangerous territory. The idea that trans women…

View original post 815 more words

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

How to Boycott Me, I Mean, REALLY Boycott Me


So a few days ago, it was suggested to a faction of the hot, pathetic misogynist mess known as GamerGate that launching a boycott of Tor Books was a possible “action op” for them. This was quickly shot down, no doubt in part because the person suggesting it was Theodore Beale, and no one at this point actually gives a crap what he thinks about anything. However, last night I went on another Twitter tear on the subject of GamerGate, and I woke up this morning to a few chuckleheads bleating to Tor about what a terrible person I am, in order to, I don’t know, get Tor to talk to me sternly about having opinions on the Internet…

View original post 867 more words

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

My comments to “Sometimes, I Just Don’t Have Time for Individual Fights”

My comments to “Sometimes, I Just Don’t Have Time for Individual Fights

This, so many times over. This is why I will sometimes just say something and then walk away from a “discussion”. And why I have lost “friendships” over defending my right not not have to be every’s continuous, on-call, FREE educator.

“My father has always told me that I have to pick and choose my battles, and while he meant that I should choose which hill to die on judiciously, I’ve also taken it, in recent years, to mean that it’s not only okay, but totally reasonable, to walk away from ‘discussions’ that are clearly not productive.”

Though (not surprisingly) only privileged individuals are typically permitted to choose their battles and have their choice respected. If you’re dealing with an issue related to oppression or non-dominant identity or experience, the privileged expect you to be on guard and willing defend that hill constantly. What is most hurtful is when even self proclaimed allies expect it and expect you to personally explain why something they said or did is bigoted, hurtful, and/or inappropriate.

“Understand that arguing may not be the best use of your time. However important this issue is to you, there are plenty of people who, for whatever reason, are never going to believe that such a thing as a gendered wage gap is real and deserves their attention. They want to argue with you not because they’re open to having their minds changed, but because they want to see you get all flustered and feel smug about how “emotional” you get. You are not required to spend your time trying to convince others of something they’re dead set against accepting. The entire culture of American politics is becoming one of people just shouting past each other, and nobody learning anything because it’s all so jerky and frustrating. So while sometimes it may feel fantastic to come to an argument fully prepared and then crush your opponent, it’s not your job to do so.”

Because nothing is more exhausting than dealing with someone who’s mind is already made up on a topic but still wants you to personally “explain” your position to them. Particularly when there have other writings on the very same topic you can (and have) referred them to.

“She nailed something that many people seem reluctant to accept or engage with: Sometimes, people approach a discussion in bad faith. They’re not interested in having a conversation with you about a topic. They’re interested in riling you up, breaking you down, winding you up, and crushing you. They want to see you flail and get flustered and get angry. They feel like they’re proving some kind of ‘point’ by doing so, as though browbeating someone into an unwanted discussion and then refusing to actually engage is some kind of accomplishment.”

And that’s because punching down is always fun and easy.

“And you, yes, you, you have the ability to tell when someone is entering a conversation in bad faith. You really do. I promise. You don’t owe anyone anything, as Zeisler pointed out, and it’s okay to just drop the mic and walk away.”

Which is what I have done and will do in the future. Because I actually have a very basic and litmus test: will they actually read and critically engage in any of the references I provide. Most of the time I am not saying anything truly new in my observations. I am just simply really good at gathering and consolidating exiting resources. And I often know how to relocate orginal sources quickly. There is simply no need for me to have to re-articulate on a topic when anywhere from three to a dozen other people have already said the same thing.

“You have the right to choose whom you engage with, and when, and you get to decide how that engagement takes place. People who are not treating you with respect and giving a conversation their full attention are not worth your time, and you know who those people are.”

And at first I was surprised at just how many people, particularly formerly “good friends” suddenly showed their true colors and fall away when I started learning to respect and honor my own time, space, knowledge, skill, and boundaries. When I started telling people no, I am not going to expend my energy in that way any more. It was hurtful and painful at first, but I appreciate myself even more for doing so.

“This is about more than civility and respect for the people you talk to, but about a deeper need to engage with people who are actually interested in what you have to say.”

And the way I know they do want to respect what I have to say is if they demonstrate they respect what I have to offer, when I offer it, and how I offer it first.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Disabled not disordered: autism and the social model

Autism through the Medium of Cats

I’ve often come across Autistic people who say, ‘I don’t see it as a disability.’

And then there are people who say they suffer from autism because they can’t get a job or they’ve been bullied.

In both cases I think the same thing: haven’t they heard of the social model? I don’t think enough people have.

The social model of disability is a way of thinking about disability in which disability results not from an individual’s neurological, physical or mental characteristics but from barriers created by society. The social model distinguishes between impairment, which is when someone has an unusually low ability to do something, and disability, which is when someone is prevented from full participation in society on the basis of an impairment. Society is built to accommodate the needs of the majority and not the needs of people with minority brains, bodies and minds. This is the…

View original post 635 more words

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

I hate to be a wet blanket here…

While I really do appreciate Lana coming out, and I would never be one to tell anyone where or how or when to come out, I do continue to feel there is another, more subtle message for trans woman in how this has all played out over the past 13 years:

“Get your fame, fortune, and success in early, before you transition, because there is likely little hope for trans women to do so after.”

Sure, Lana will now go on to be some sort of Golden Child.  Because now Media and HRC and all these progressives types will be able to hold her up and say “see, we have trans women too” all the ignoring the struggles of real trans women in their structures trying to even make a foothold.

I feel that Lana’s statement of coming out to inspire other aspiring trans women and girls who wish to be writers and directors is short sighted and Pollyanna.  I feel in all this, the only lessen Lana can teach is for aspiring youth to lay low, keep in the closet, and suppress their transness until they’ve achieved some level of success in their field, and then come out.

Because for real, would any of the film producers have given The Wachowski Starship the time of day if one of them was out as trans at the start of their career?  Would anyone do so today?

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment